If you are sitting somewhere eating popcorn and watching this scam fest we have performed for two thousand years, I have a moral obligation to tell you that the show isn’t as good as it may seem. In other words, you messed up…
Pardon me if I am interrupting some serious business, but I do have some important information to share and a few questions to ask.
You know… I always wondered if your remember that time you said: “let there be light”? I bet it was spectacular.
When those words materialized, and infinity started to expand beyond itself, did you consider adding blockchain to the universe to prevent cheating, or was that idea far fetched and impractical at the time?
To be clear, I do not care if you exist, nor do I seek confirmation of the opposite. I stand here today to take precautions just in case.
If you are sitting somewhere eating popcorn and watching this scam fest we have performed for two thousand years, I have a moral obligation to tell you that the show isn’t as good as it may seem. In other words, you messed up…
Based on my calculations, the exact fuckup happened the moment you gave me the right to evaluate your work. But then again, without it, I couldn’t have been able to debate the existence of another holy entity far greater than both of us. An entity so powerful it could reestablish trust on a cosmic scale and make your creation whole again.
Legends say that your children have formed groups that count millions of members to promote an idea so revolutionary it will reunite families, nations, ideas, visions… The possibilities are endless and the correction of all your errors is seemingly unstoppable.
The Last Supper
Please, do not judge us, o Holy Father.
We understand that big ideas take time. That is why we trusted you when you told us we are all part of the same thing, that we will eventually figure things out and stop scamming each other.
But, your plan didn’t seem to work as we intended so we created capitalism, capitalism created big business and big business doesn’t have time for big ideas.
You can consider our contract terminated because our business can’t wait for your outdated framework to catch up with such rapid progress. We have taken matters in our own hands and decided to handle our trust issues on our own terms.
Let there be Blockchain!
You shouldn’t be worried though. We have learned from you and sent a messenger among the people, just like you did. His following was of little numbers but with our superior techniques and technological wonders, he has gathered far more than just 12 disciples.
Take notes o Holy Father, and remember that big ideas require a lot of shilling. This one was so good we didn’t even need an incentive for it. Our mentor didn’t perform wonders because we have grown out of entertainment. We wanted serious solutions for serious problems and he invited us in for dinner to give us the ultimate answer.
He was so wise to understand that one meal isn’t enough.
He trained us for months and years, prepared us for a monetary revolution but, just like your guy, he left without providing customer support.
As soon as he turned his back on us, his disciples betrayed him.
The first one told tales of false gods and inferior technology so he created a religion of his own. He was so sure in his superiority that he took the original name and used it for his domain with no shame whatsoever. But there is no time for another rhyme.
Others soon followed and some went a step further by claiming parenthood over our only pure child. They wanted to be worshiped as Gods.
While the two newly-born superpowers were measuring the height, length, and speed of their blocks, a storm was brewing out in the fields.
Fear, Doubt and the absence of Common Sense
By repeating your mistakes, our mentor left with no further guidance and no reassurance in this time of need. Followers started doubting their self-elected leaders and decided to take action.
Out of fear of total collapse, new religions were born and more problem solvers have been sent down to Earth in the form of alternate currency also known as shitcoins.
Financial freedom was raining down on mankind that had no time to read all those whitepapers. Saying “buy my shitcoin” is more than enough.
Out of fear and doubt, the original disciples have taken their position in the financial revolution and decided to support only those who stay true to the creator's words. Different interpretations of those words created different religions that now serve as holy temples for millions of believers.
Would you look at those numbers?
My, my how things have blown out of proportion. In just a few years, millions have traveled far and wide to whiteness the birth of true freedom. Many have left after the spectacle, but the vast majority is still praying in the temples, as the numbers would suggest.
Binance
Twiter following — 1.1 MILLION
Retweet engagement rate — 0.018%
Average likes rate — 0.059%
Most followers gained in one month — 334.65K in February 2018
YouTube Subscribers — 13.1K
Average video views daily — 767
CEO Twitter Following — 489.5K
Retweet engagement rate — 0.031%
Average likes rate — 0.142%
Most followers gained in one month — 76.57K in March 2018
Ripple
Twitter Following — 946.3K
Retweet engagement rate — 0.037%
Average likes rate — 0.107%
Most followers gained in one month — 294.26k in February 2018
CEO Twitter Following — 241.6K
Retweet engagement rate — 0.18%
Average likes rate — 0.47%
Most followers gained in one month — 85.16k in February 2018
YouTube Subscribers— 37.6K
Average daily views — 753
Tron Foundation
Twitter Following — 500.2K
Retweet engagement rate — 0.027%
Average likes rate — 0.12%
Most followers gained in one month — 180.27k in February 2018
CEO Twitter Following — 2 MILLION
Retweet engagement rate — 0.021%
Average likes rate — 0.062%
Most followers gained in one month — 248.16k in February 2018
YouTube Subscribers — 12.5K
Average daily views — 312
Ethereum
Twitter Following — 452.3K
Retweet engagement rate — 0.022%
Average likes rate — 0.038%
Most followers gained in one month — 77.55K in February 2018
CEO Twitter Following — 891.2K
Retweet engagement rate — 0.038%
Average likes rate — 0.15%
Most followers gained in one month — 152.81K in January 2018
YouTube Subscribers — 28.1K
Average daily views — 566
Looking at those numbers I started questioning my sanity.
Could it be that one day we will have to prove the existence of an entire community?
Is that day today?
Is it possible that this new Babylon we have created is pure fiction?
Did our generous saints accidentally create click-farms that were digging for free BTC through Earn.com?
After all, I can still remember the days when I could join a Telegram channel and leave a shill comment on Reddit for a few easy bucks.
I still keep those earnings as a reminder of the 2K gold rush.
You could even donate to an unknown cause and force Tyler Winklevoss to read your message.
Did you really think busy people have time for your nonsense? Donate or gtfo. These people are very busy and also very important. And, as we all know, “important” always equals “busy”.
It was Heaven on Earth but as all nice things, the centralized forces of decentralization have taken it from us.
New Religions For Sale!
As you can see, we have learned much from our past without your help. We do not conduct crusades to spread our word. No, we are better than that.
Even if we wanted to, our Twitter followers probably wouldn’t be up for it. Our engagement rates don’t really spark encouragement.
Instead of forcing our religions upon non-believers, we promised them a part of our holy lands.
- Buy some coins and become a part of the first decentralized social platform where you get paid for expressing your opinions. Even if they don’t make sense.
- Buy cards for an unfinished card game and keep them for as long as you want (unless the whole project fails). If you are lucky you can sell them for a profit in a few years.
- Buy cards for an unfinished card game within a decentralized social media platform and try to figure out what to do with them afterward.
We welcomed everyone to come and explore the new wonders of the world and have a say in every decision we make! Decentralized governance has arrived!
Unless Justin wants to buy it.
You see Father, we learned a lesson after all.
Sharing is caring and there is nothing wrong with monetizing other people’s ideas.
Selling a religion can be quite easy when your followers are imaginary.
Except for one.
Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing
As of today, we are still 100% sure that Bitcoin is the only safe haven for humanity. Fiat is inflationary, gold is for old people, banks are crooked and all banksters are mobsters!
I do not know what our elders are planning to do about them but based on their activity, they are probably trying to destroy them from the inside.
Many financial “experts” are still teaching us how we should invest responsibly and understand that adoption may take years or maybe even decades. Some are so corrupted that they want us to believe that BTC can one day crash and never recover.
Thankfully, we have our own demigods on the line 24/7. If an owner of an exchange that profits directly from Bitcoin trades says we should go long, I see no reason why we should doubt him.
Conflict of interest is just a made-up term that the governments invented for no particular reason.
One of them actually took that term too seriously and exchanged his influence for a bag of gold coins.
He was crucified rightfully for such a delusional move but it is hard to determine where his disciples stand on this matter today. Most of them seem to be imaginary as well.
Whatever the case may be, you should know that there is a good intention behind all of this. By lying to the uninformed, they will trick them into joining our ranks, and once they are in they will understand the true value of decentralization.
Earning cash on the side by staking coins created by the middleman himself was Satoshi’s idea since day one. What better use case could we possibly invent than free money?
Thanks to reputable journalists that get roasted by kids from Reddit on a daily basis, we have invented this new thing called opinion journalism. This way, we can shill and publish press releases with no consequences whatsoever.
It is to be understood that opinions have nothing to do with journalism but no one was complaining so we even made a Wikipedia page about it, which legitimizes this new position in our society. A genius invention, you must admit.
As you can see Father, there is nothing wrong with shilling if it is for the greater good. They may ignore us for as long as they like, but we won’t stop putting the revolution in front of their noses.
Our intentions are pure and our motives are purely monetary right now but that should change over time (so we hope).
Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?
I am finding it hard to understand why so many of them are still unhappy with our achievements.
So what if a whole blockchain can be taken over by force if an exchange provides you with enough funds to do so? Our demigods are just friends and friends should help each other out. A warning was issued in a timely manner after all. On top of that, a valuable lesson was learned that day — thy who holds power shall be tempted to use it.
Is it a crime if we promote shitcoins on the side if it is for the greater good of the only coin that actually matters?
Can we blame our excellent journalists for shilling their favorite projects in exchange for some tokens? How else would they fund their career development? Newcomers need top 10 lists, don’t they?
Lastly, isn’t this what you always wanted? Individuals practicing free will in every corner of the universe?
Holy Father, if you really are there, and if you are reading these words, you should know that we have everything under control. A few more lies here and there, a few more virus outbreaks and a big fat recession are all we need.
And if you do end up being a fairy tale, it will be a shame because the show is just about to start.
Sincerely yours
Satan