1 - Focus on growth
Spend at least 4 hours a day on Twitter, LinkedIn, and Reddit, insisting that my devtool is the best one out there and that anyone who doesn't use it is a complete idiot.
2 - Network like crazy
Attend every single tech conference and networking event, even if it means skipping my child's school play or my spouse's birthday. After all, it's all about getting those valuable connections!
3 - Innovate
Constantly come up with new features and updates for my devtool, even if it means ignoring the needs and wants of my customers. Insist that my vision is the only one that matters.
4 - Prioritize the customer
Constantly bombard my customers with emails, calls, and pop-ups, insisting that they need to upgrade to the latest version of my devtool or they'll be left behind.
5 - Cut costs
Fire my entire customer support team and instead hire a group of unpaid interns to deal with complaints and technical issues. Tweet about how I'm giving back to the community and helping the next generation of developers.
6 - Embrace the hustle
Work 16 hours a day, every day, insisting that it's all necessary to achieve success. Ignore any complaints from my family or friends about neglecting my personal life.
7 - Stay healthy
Eat nothing but protein bars and energy drinks, because who has time to sit down and eat a proper meal? Exercise is for wimps, anyway.
8 - Stay relevant
Follow every single trend and buzzword in the tech industry, even if it means completely changing the direction of my company. After all, it's all about staying on top of the game!
Image credit, HackerNoon Stable Diffusion for Prompt of “tongue in cheek.”